


Child Of Mine

by Project0506



Series: Soft Wars [58]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Brothers, Brothers being assholes, Crack, Gen, Humor, gen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23817319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project0506/pseuds/Project0506
Summary: It will go down in history as the Vode's most viciously fought custody battle(Crack)
Series: Soft Wars [58]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683775
Comments: 52
Kudos: 779
Collections: Fun/Humour/Crack in a Galaxy Far Far Away





	Child Of Mine

**Author's Note:**

> With the most adorable [kid!fic art](https://dragneel-twins.tumblr.com/post/616473662081695744/torrents-kids-for-thefoundationproject-luke-and) that Echo of [@dragneel-twins](https://dragneel-twins.tumblr.com/) did for this story.

Rex is a connoisseur of the different tones of the Torrent’s ‘Sir!’ call. He is especially attuned to all the different flavor of them that herald Shenanigans. Today’s ‘Sir’ is firmly ‘I’m gleefully tattling on someone else’s Shenanigans and I wait eagerly for a Captain Rex Dressing Down of the offending person’.

Dogma is a master of the subtext, truly. Rex has given up hoping that he’ll grow out of it and has just come to accept that it’s just his hobby. Some people do woodwork, some people write novels. Dogma subtly tattles on rule breakers.

Rex sighs. Carefully he looks across their small back office to the other desk. “Jesse?” He asks without hope.

“I will jump right out of this window and hope somewhere on the way down I discovered I did put my jetpack on after all,” Jesse responds promptly. He doesn’t look up from his holopad. “And you can’t order me to or promote me.”

“You still work for me,” Rex points out. “I can still promote you.”

“I can and will slowly swap the main bay caff out with decaff, then swap it back to espresso.”

Cruel, but entirely expected. Rex makes a note to do something publicly and horrifically nice for him, for spite.

“Alright,” Rex sighs as he strolls out into the main work floor. “Who’s annoyed me today.”

“The _Guard_ ,” Dogma reports with unholy glee. “And I have the outline of a plan to get back at them!”

Dogma’s plans are always thickly detailed, intricately balanced and threaded through with a layer of malice the depth of which are entirely dependent on his mood. He’s right on the edge of cheerful murder today.

Where is Stak? This might need professional intervention.

Another thought follows that: Dogma has quite a feud with the former Coruscant Guard members of the Vode. A feud that is startlingly similar to the one Hardcase waged against the Wolfpack for years. If it turns out Dogma _also_ has a crush on the head of another Company and _also_ just doesn’t know how to handle it, espresso or not, Rex is dropping this whole mess on Jesse.

“Tell me why we’re mad at them first, then tell me the plan.” Rex hesitates. “Tell me why we’re mad, assure me the plan won’t piss off Ponds, _then_ tell me the plan.” Rex doesn’t want to deal with that right now.

Dogma visibly hesitates.

Kark.

Rex finds a chair. Tup helpfully passes him a mug of caff. Fortified, Rex indicates Dogma can continue with ruining his day.

Dogma delivers. The holorecording he plays is one of Fox’s home improvement shows, rough as if not in its finished, public state. There’s repeats of cuts, shots of the same scene from different angles. Dogma moves through the recording to about the three hour mark. A harried human waving a holopad and wearing an earpiece is trying to talk sense into Fox about something. Rex could have told him it wasn’t likely to work.

‘ _He can’t be in the scene!’_ The human wails.

‘ _Then shoot it later_ ,’ Fox says, uncaring.

‘ _Just let me take him-_ ’ Fox delivers a glare of purest murder.

‘ _Do not touch my fucking kid._ ’

‘ _Fuh!_ ’ cheers a baby sitting in a half-demolished kitchen sink, covered in sawdust and gnawing on a dusty cut of polyplast piping.

Says _Rex’s baby_ , dressed in garish Guard Red on a construction site on _holovision_ when he was supposed to be with Ponds playing developmentally-appropriate games at his child-safe apartment for the day.

“Is that Luke?” asks Jesse from where he’d wandered out in curiosity.

Rex slowly sips his caff, and turns to look at Dogma.

Dogma’s won, and he knows it. His grin splits his face in fiendish delight. “So about my plan sir.”

“I don’t want to know,” Rex decides, taking a line from Jesse’s playbook. “Get the Twins to help. Make it hurt.”

“ _Yes Captain_!”


End file.
